Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
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Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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