everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
