Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
