i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
