My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
pray to the hookup gods
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
