Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
