I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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