did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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