he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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