Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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