I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
