That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
