Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
