i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
