now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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