just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
