Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize