New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
