I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
