I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
