she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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