i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize