he wants to bone in the snuggie
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
