my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
