I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
