do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
