If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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