You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
