You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
