she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
