I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I AM VODKA MAN
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
