just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i would one night stand the shit outta him
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
