Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
is it fun? or sober?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
