My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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