I hate your face
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We need to get me chipped asap
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
