its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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