Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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