I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just pynch a tree in the face
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
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This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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