Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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