I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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