I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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