I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think your dad took our porno
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
