Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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