he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
