He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
