Plan B is the new Plan A
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
