he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
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I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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