Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
