oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Sober January is a disaster.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
