Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
