it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
