Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
