I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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