Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
