Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
