Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
