You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
