but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
