he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
