so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize