got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
