Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
