you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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