Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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