Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
