my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
