Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
