i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
