that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
