My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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