i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
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Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
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I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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