You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
